In the middle of January this year, 2023, my mother took a wander. The only hint I had that she might be inclined to walk out unannounced had taken place the previous fall, and it was short adventure. It took place in the middle of the day, and I caught before she had taken more than a few steps into the hallway where she was about to knock on our neighbour’s door. She was confused but did not struggle against my efforts to bring her back into our own condo unit.

The January event, however, was much more disturbing. I heard her get up around 5:45 a.m. to use the toilet. I thought she had gone back to bed, but when I got up about half an hour later she was gone. Panic!

We have three floors in our building, and we are on the top floor. I went up and down all three floors and could not find her. Terrified that she had gone outside, I put on my parka and went around our building twice to no avail. It was minus 16 degrees C. and if she had gone out in her pyjamas the entry door would have locked behind her. I didn’t have much time.

The only odd thing I noticed was that a paramedics truck from the fire department was parked outside, but I couldn’t think how that would have anything to do with my mother, but it did.

Not knowing that, I ran back upstairs to our unit to call the police. Just as I got in the door, my cell phone rang. It was someone from Victoria Lifeline calling. Although this made no sense to me, I told them my mother was missing and I didn’t know what to do. I was getting ready to go outside again when they called back and said the paramedics were already on site. Just as I hung up, I opened our door to find two paramedics on their way up the stairs. They had found my mother’s Victoria Lifeline button and pressed it, which apparently gives the the police the address of the wearer.

I was sooner reunited with my mother. She had been wandering the building knocking on doors, until she was finally taken in by two of our most generous and wonderful neighbours on the main floor.

Speaking to her later, she said she remembered trying to get out. She said she wanted to go downstairs (I imagine she was thinking of the house where she used to live) and help arrange some kind of event or game, maybe a party, with friends. But she also claimed she had been out walking up and down the streets for hours and had just arrived home. This was still pretty early in the morning, and after talking for a while she went back to bed. When I went to see if she was sleeping a little while later, she was surprised to see me, thinking I was at work, whereas I had been retired for almost three years and am almost always at home with her, unless I have to go out for essentials, such as grocery shopping and what not.

The whole event shook her up, but in a way it all turned out for the best. The paramedics were super helpful. They talked to us for a long time about dementia, and put in calls for us to get us connected with resources and organizations that could help us.

I can’t tell you how reassuring this was. I immediately felt a great weight lifted from my shoulders. The follow-ups happened quite quickly. She was tested by someone from the Geriatrics Outreach Services (my mother passed, but barely) and offered all sorts of suggestions. Some we had already set up, such as putting a small lock at the top of the door where my mother could not reach it, setting up a barrier which she would have to remove if she were trying to get out, plus my own idea of putting a small aluminum bowl over the deadbolt which would force her to think about what she was attempting to do. So far all this measures have worked. For instance, in a later attempt to get out, she rattled the metal clotheshorse which we use as a barrier. It was the middle of the night, but it woke me up and I was able to go up to her and say, “Where you going, Mum?” It’s like she wakes up from a dream. She said, “I don’t know.” I made her a cup of tea and we talked for awhile before she went back to sleep.

If she recalls these episodes at all, it is for a very short time. Yet, she understands the precautions which surround the door, and she approves. She wants them in place. She doesn’t want to wander, and I think that’s more than half the battle.

“Experience is not what happens to you; it is what you do with what happens to you.” – Aldous Huxley